Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
