I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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