In the future we'll all be gay
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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