i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
