I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
