Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
