i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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