she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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