There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
