She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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