Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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