Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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