i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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