Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
