The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
