i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
