On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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