When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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