Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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