Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
