I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
