a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
