He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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