Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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