I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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