oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
