This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
