Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
