when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
