Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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