my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
