while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
