There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
