Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
