Small penises have feelings too.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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