whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
