HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Acid is not a monday night drug
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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