idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
