My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
