You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
