btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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