New low: just hacked my moms facebook
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This is my gift to your gina
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
