either way he was missing a nipple.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
