operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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