I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
