It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
