Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
