I just threw up on my dentist
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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