I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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