He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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