i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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