did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
