plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
