hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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