I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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