You work out of a Hotel?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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