New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
