she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
