Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
