I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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