tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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