i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
