the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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