Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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