make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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