One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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