He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
