You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
