i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
