Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
