Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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