dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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