you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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