You can't motorboat a personality
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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