why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
